News That Will Shock You

... or not.

Perhaps this item should be filed under "least surprising news of the day."

The headline of the NYT article is "China Athletes "Faked Their Age".

Bone tests on teenage athletes in south China have shown that thousands had faked their age, often in order to keep competing in junior events.

Tests on nearly 13,000 athletes found that more than 3,000 were older than their registered age, according to the Sports Bureau of Guangdong Province.

At least one athlete was seven years older than their stated age, but most were said to differ by a year or two.

The news comes as Guangdong prepares to host the 2010 Asian Games.

The investigation is the latest in a number of initiatives by the Chinese authorities to crack down on the practice of age-faking, which many experts believe is rampant.

Of course, their age isn't all they are faking.  A week or so ago, it came out that one of the "female" athletes on China's Olympic team last year was actually a male.

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Stimulus Package Explained

Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?

"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

"A. No, they are borrowing it from China . You children are expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

"A. How's the weather up your way?"

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

• If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .
• If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda
• If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan .
• If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
• If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea .
• If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India
• If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
• If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, fast food and soft drinks, or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

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